Babysitting Harry
by EvilSatsuma
Summary: Remus and Sirius are left reluctantly in charge of baby Harry Potter at Godrics Hollow while Lily and James go out for a well earned break. This is SLASH M rated for very good reasons! Babysitting Harry? A recipe for disaster.
1. Forgetting Harry

**A/N:** OK, this is the first chapter in what should be a short fic of maybe three or four chapters, I don't know yet. So please review with suggestions, comments, constructive criticism etc.

**Warnings: **This is M rated full on SLASH regarding Remus and Sirius. I don't want to corrupt innocent minds, just fuel the imagination of fellow R/S shippers like myself.

Please don't flame me. All I will do is laugh at the flames, send them to all my friends for them to laugh at and delete. I really couldn't care if you think slash is wrong etc. so don't bother telling me.

**Dedication: **I never write these, but I feel one should be written for JK. I finished her last book two days ago, and I think she's so amazing for sticking with it all for 17 years of her life. Maybe she approves of slash, maybe not. Who cares?

**Disclaimer: **And finally (sorry- couple of rants in there somewhere!) I don't, sadly, own anything or anyone related to the world of Harry Potter.

"Hey, guys! We're here!" Sirius and Remus walked into the kitchen, Sirius sprawling himself over the worktops like he owned the place.

"Oh, thank Merlin!" Lily appeared from the sitting room in a flattering green-silk dress robe with baby Harry on her hip. Her gaze fell on Sirius' hand, which had been reaching out for the fruit bowl, curving around Remus' back and dragging his fingers across his shoulders before grabbing a pear and retracting his hand hastily upon seeing the red-haired witch's eyes flash dangerously in warning.

"Oh, hi Lily. Harry's growing fast, isn't he? Aren't you, mate?" Remus strode over the polished wooden floor towards the baby and his mother to coo over his chubby cheeks and ever-growing mane of dark hair.

Sirius wiped his brow theatrically, wondering how willing Lily now was in letting the pair look after her only child.

_Not that she has much of a choice…_ Sirius thought with satisfaction as he watched Remus play a quick round of peek-a-boo before the baby reached up and tugged a lock of the werewolf's honey-coloured hair.

"Are you ready to go, darling? Oh, hey guys." James Potter walked in; his messy hair as always untamed and flopped repeatedly into his face.

"Don't worry about a thing, Uncle Sirius and Auntie Remus have it all under control." Sirius got down off the drainage board to chivvy husband and wife out of the room and towards the back door ready for apparition.

On the way towards the door, Sirius felt hot breath on his ear as his partner whispered "Why, pray, am I 'Auntie' Remus?"

"Because," Sirius responded out of the corner of his mouth to prevent any possible outbursts of '_Not in front of the children' _lectures from Lily. "I'm nearly always on top…" A playful hand slapped him on his leather-clad rear in protest as they reached the door and Lily handed Harry to Remus- the safer option, she hoped.

"Now, be good, Harry dear." She turned to his babysitters, a steely glint in her keen green eyes, and a hand on her hip.

"Ground rules: No flying, especially not on that infernal motorbike,"

"Her _name_ is Miranda, and she's a very sensitive machine."

"Whatever. No transfiguration of Harry _or_ anything else,"

"Damn."

"No SWEARING,"

"Bugger…oh, _damn_. Sorry, Lil."

"Sirius _will_ try, Lily. No promises, mind…"

"No drinking, no smoking, no leaving the house to go to clubs, bars or anything decidedly adult…"

"Lily, darling. At this rate, they won't be able to do anything at all!" James tried to pull his wife away towards the door, but with little success.

"James dear, in case you hadn't noticed, that was the general idea."

Sirius rolled his eyes at James behind Lily's back before placing a hand over his heart and an arm around Remus' shoulders, Harry snuggling up in the werewolf's arms.

"We swear, over the thing that means the most to us both (me, incidentally) that we will not perform any magic on Harry, the furniture, or the house in general. We won't go flying again…"

"Too right we won't!" Exclaimed Remus, taking Harry from his mother into protective arms. "Last time we tried that, you nearly dropped - um…me," he finished, rather lamely, in Sirius' opinion, as he faltered under the killer glare now directed at him from the pretty red-head.

"Don't tell me. Don't even…" Lily shuddered, backing into her husband who placed his arms around her waist and pulled her gently to one side, looking straight at his two best friends.

"Just don't do it, ok?" He steered his wife towards the garden path, kissing his son on his way past.

"Bye bye, mini-me."

"I do wish you wouldn't call him that, James dear. He isn't you, and he'll only get an inflated ego."

"Only because being me is the best thing in the world, because I've got you and him."

"Good luck with that, Prongs" muttered Remus as the couple finally left, Lily looking slightly teary-eyed and worried.

Sirius cracked up as the door swung shut. "Oh, Merlin! Lily's face when I went for that pear…thanks for covering, by the way."

"You know I'd cover you every day of the week if I could."

""Believe me, Remie, you can cover me whenever the mood takes you…"

"Hmm…" Remus took a step towards his dark-haired lover; Harry balanced in his arms, drowsing unconcernedly as the gap between the two young men closed. "You know, my mood right now…"

"Uh-huh?" Sirius too took a step closer, almost touching nose to nose. He could feel hot air between them, mingling together in shallow breaths as the gap, if possible, got even closer. Remus lowered his eyes to Sirius' slightly parted lips and continued his voice lower and huskier than before.

"My mood right now…it's certainly taking me somewhere…"

Their lips met slowly, drawing out the moments apart, prolonging the kiss for as long as possible in the lazy way couples invent between each other. The embrace was awkward, Harry nestling in between the two like he belonged, sandwiched in the middle of two men kissing like the two passionate beings they were.

Sirius pulled away first, motioning towards the living room silently, sharing the weight of the child as they moved slowly, crablike, into the room and onto a large, squashy sofa in the far corner by a roaring fire.

"Sooo…" Sirius mused, transferring baby Harry from his arms to the playpen on the floor and conjuring a blanket for him, into which he promptly snuggled and fell asleep, the corner of the fluffy square in his mouth, sucking quietly.

"So." Remus fired back at him, his eyes burning into Sirius' own with a rarely-seen passion and began to trace his partner's jaw line with a long finger.

It happened so quickly. One minute the two men were staring, trance-like at each other, the next they were on the floor, rolling over to pin the other beneath them before submitting to the strength of the other man. Their lips remained locked as they fought to rid themselves of every article of clothing they possessed between them.

Before long, shallow breaths had turned into pants- Sirius' lips had left Remus' to discover areas of the man not usually on display to the general public.

Remus groaned and shifted, and an answering moan was heard from somewhere just south of his own naval. Sirius crawled up until he was inches away from Remus' nose again, and kissed him with such passion, all the werewolf could do was cling on to consciousness as lights danced in front of his eyes and bits of the two slid and ground against the other, eyes and lips locked firmly upon the other.

Hearing a wail, they sprung apart, gazing in horror at first each other, and then at the playpen.

Harry was standing shakily, leaning on the wall of the pen for support as he cried, head back with eyes screwed tight shut. His tight, chubby fist pointing blindly at the spot of carpet the two naked men had recently vacated.

"Erm…whoops?" Supplied Remus, scrambling hastily to his feet and donning Sirius' leather jacket and his own jeans..

"Buggerbuggerbuggerbugger…" Muttered Sirius, hastily covering up the area that must have been the most offensive to Harry's innocent little mind with his hands, and hopping slightly as he searched for random items of clothing strewn across the room.

And still the baby wailed, his one-year-old self unaccustomed to finding naked men playing around on the floor of his living room, having woken up to find his parents apparently gone, his nappy odiously odorous and no food in sight ten minutes previously.

Deciding that the two, now thankfully clad in appropriate garments (although Sirius' obscenely tight leather trousers hardly qualified as such), were still not paying him enough attention, Harry racked up the volume to Grade 6 – full on wails with intermittent bouts of sniffing. That should do it.


	2. Sweetness of Sleep

**AN: **

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"Why won't he shut off that damned _noise?_"

"I don't know, do I? I'm gay - I won't ever get round to kids, will I? And if this is anything to go by, I'm incredibly grateful to who ever the hell it was that denied me the opportunity!"

It was two hours later. Remus and Sirius sat side by side on the sofa, Sirius holding hands to his offended ears as Harry, tiring of Remus' weak attempt to rock him back to sleep, let rip with a Grade 8 special (high-pitched, full-on wailing with coughing fits that turned him blue every few minutes.)

"Personally, I reckon you denied yourself the opportunity, Pads. I've been doing some research into it, and I can only conclude that it is by our own choice that we are attracted to each other-"

"Hey, Moony?" Sirius yelled over the small child's operatic screams. "No offence, mate, but is this REALLY the time for discussing homosexual ethics, philosophy and wizarding biology?"

"It's a thought, though, isn't it?" Lupin mused, as though he hadn't heard Sirius at all. "I mean," He continued, "were we _born_ the way we are, or-"

"I bloody well hope not!" Sirius roared, Harry's screams still threatening to burst eardrums. "If we are, Harry's gonna turn into a raging homophobe with fairy-bashing tendencies. And personally, that'd make my role as Godfather a tad pointless!"

"What, because you're doing such a lot to help him out now, are you?"

Sirius frowned at first the baby, then his lover, his face taking on an expression well-known to Remus as 'The Sulk of Sirius Black'.

"I changed the nappy, didn't I?"

Remus laughed, and patted him on the head like he would a spoilt child. What should have happened next was well rehearsed- over the years Remus had discovered Sirius' hatred of being patronized, and used it often to antagonise him into play-fights.

When they had been very young, these displays of mock aggression in Gryffindor tower usually ended in one or the other pinning their friend to the floor, laughing as the common-room burst into applause around them before helping the other to their feet.

In later years, these wrestling matches had become more private as the boys grew up- the results of which becoming less innocent with each bout.

But neither boy would admit to this lack of innocence until that memorable day at the end of sixth year when Sirius had pinned Remus to the floor and kissed him like there was no tomorrow, before completely ruining the moment by turning bright red and running out of the room, leaving Remus dazed and confused on the dormitory floor.

Strangely, however, Sirius did not look annoyed by this display of such an obvious attempt at belittling him. Instead, his face had taken on the far-away look usually adopted by Lily or Remus when faced with an idea.

"SIRIUS!" Remus bellowed hoarsely over Harry's wails, the baby now kicking his feet against the werewolf's stomach.

"Hmm…? Oh, Sorry, Rems. Hang on a tick…" Remus had to lip read the last few words, Sirius' mumblings lost under a tidal waves of renewed screams and coughs from the infant in his arms.

Before he could say anything, however, Sirius was gone. In his place sat a large, hairy black dog, sitting sprawled over the sofa cushions, tail thumping happily. Remus rolled his eyes, wincing as Harry let out a window-shattering howl and the dog licked his face at the exact same moment.

"PADFOOT! _No_, change back- NOW, Pads!"

The dog ignored him, and jumped onto the floor. Pausing for a moment to look up at Lupin, head cocked to one side in a playful gesture, Padfoot nuzzled the screaming child still sitting in his arms. The wailing stopped.

"Oh, thank Merlin…" said Remus, his face exhausted and drawn. He flopped backwards to sink into the soft leather of the Potters' sofa, keeping watch over Harry, who's sobs had slowly subsided into baby chuckles of delight, his little fingers clutching tightly onto the muzzle of the shaggy dog in front of him.

The dog licked the child's round, red face, his rough pink tongue grating in a not unpleasant way across his cheek. The baby was sat up now, clutching the dog's wet nose for support as he clumsily patted him between the eyes.

Remus leaned forwards to gently pluck Harry from his lap, who squealed indignantly before starting to gurgle happily as he found himself sitting astride Padfoot moments later, his baby-grow clad feet kicking shaggy fur and ribs beneath with apparent enjoyment. Lupin could not help laughing at the wounded look the bruised hound at his feet shot him before grudgingly taking a few tentative steps, Harry grabbing great hanks of fur to prevent himself from falling onto his nappy-clad, and subsequently well-padded, behind.

Padfoot looked back over his shoulder, staring at Remus out of one amber eye. His tongue was lolling and Remus could tell he was laughing.

Pushing himself up from the sofa, Remus walked over to the kitchen and opened the back door, Padfoot walking slowly behind, taking small, deliberate steps to avoid toppling baby Harry from his perch.

"Want to go into the garden, boys?" Lupin asked, looking down for approval. Harry kicked his feet and laughed, and Padfoot wagged his feathery tail with enthusiasm. Remus stepped aside, allowing Padfoot to trot out, sniffing the cool air of the evening.

"Not too far, Pads." Remus warned, and the dog turned, cocking his head, one ear raised as is to say "As if, mate."

They set off together, Remus holding Harry by the back of his baby-grow to prevent unfortunate accidents as Sirius trotted around in a slow circle on the grass, sniffing at the flower beds and looking up the apple tree in the middle of the lawn happily.

Harry hadn't screamed for over an hour, Remus noticed, and placed his other hand on Padfoot's head to stop him in his tracks. The dog complied, turning his head back as far as it would go to check on his tiny passenger.

Harry's eyes were closed, and little bubbles formed around his lips as he drooled in sleep, his fists closed up near his face, which was scrunched up.

"Right…time for bed, little one?" Remus whispered, lifting the baby off Sirius' back, where he promptly transformed into Sirius Black once more. He plucked Harry out of Remus' arms and carried him back to the house.

…

"Thank Merlin baby's sleep." Sirius muttered five minutes later, as the two young men flopped down on the squishy sofa, Sirius scooting over to lie down, his head in Remus' lap. Remus began stroking his hair slowly, gently, lovingly. Sirius' eyes fluttered happily and reached up with a hand to trace a scar over the bridge of Remus' nose.

"Hey, Rems?" He asked quietly, his hand still tracing his lovers' face.

"Um…yeah?"

"We never did solve that issue, you know."

"What issue?" Remus opened an eye warily.

"Whether we choose…or whether we just…_are_."

"And as I told you, you fluffy puppy, I think we choose to-"

"Aha, but I disagree! Sirius said, his face breaking into a playful grin and he sat up. "_And_ I can prove we were born like we are, without choosing."

"Okay…" Remus said hesitantly, wondering what twisted logic his friend and lover had come up with to justify his argument.

"I can't have chosen, Moony, my love, because everyone knows how indecisive I can be…"

Sirius would have continued, but Remus had patted him on the head again, and this time it meant war.

Pouncing, Sirius pinned Remus down into the soft cushions and kissed him once, soundly on the other man's lips. Turning his head slightly, Remus deepened the kiss, his hands once more finding their way into the soft, dark locks of the darker man's hair. Moaning slightly, Sirius pushed his hands inside the bottom of Remus' shirt to feel the ripples of muscle and lines of scar tissue that he so loved about his canine partner.

"I love you, Moony." He whispered as he planted a kiss on Remus' collarbone.

There was no reply, and he immediately panicked inwardly, daring to glance once, just once, up at Remus' face.

He was asleep, his hand still entwined in Sirius hair. He sighed in his sleep, and rolled slightly to the left. Wrapping his arms around his sleeping waist, Sirius rested his head on Remus' shoulder and he too fell asleep almost instantly. After all, it had been a very tiring evening. No way was he gong to have children…

…

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**AN: **Finis. Hope you liked it. Please click the blue button…


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